


Kung Fu Priest

by SirGhirahim



Category: Vikings (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack Fic, F/M, M/M, mild violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-10
Updated: 2016-05-31
Packaged: 2018-04-30 23:29:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5183777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SirGhirahim/pseuds/SirGhirahim
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Athelstan works as a flyer boy, a person who is hired to hand out and post flyers. One day a priest asks him to go around to community and pin up flyers advertising the church. Things go fine for Athelstan until he puts a flyer on a local bar called Shield maiden and makes the occupants angry and now they want to fight him. But he has a surprise of his own. He knows Kung Fu.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. Please don't sue me I'm poor.

Athelstan had been walking around the towns, shops and other local businesses handing out flyers and sticking them to bulletin boards for three hours his legs were killing him and he was getting hungry but he only had one more street to do and he would be able to return to the church to collect his pay. He wanted to get this done as quickly as possible the street he was walking down was known to host some shady people.

He walked quickly despite his aching legs and placed flyers on any bulletin board he saw, he didn't dare go into any shops and thankfully the streets were empty. After he had finished he noticed he still had one flyer left it seemed a shame to waste it. He was about to put it in his pocket when he noticed and empty bulletin board on the front of a building. Athelstan paused and took a deep breath as he began to approach the building. The name of the building was Shield maiden , he knew he had heard that name before but couldn't quite remember where. He shrugged his shoulders and the pinned the flyer to the board. Happy that his work was finally done he turned around and was going to head back to the church when he bumped into somebody standing behind him.

"Oh I'm so sorry I didn't see you" Athelstan apologised

The man he bumped into was a good foot taller than him, had very large muscles, a beard, long brown hair. Athelstan was stunned by the man's sudden appearance, he never even heard him approach from behind.

"What do we have here then?" the man asked as he ripped down the poster

"A man of God by the look of it" another voice said

Athelstan turned around to see another man standing behind him. The man was a bit taller than him, had a punk or gothic look complete with eye liner, had a short beard and was smiling like a predator who had just cornered his prey.

The man who had ripped the poster down ripped it into pieces and let it blow away in the wind "A man of God? Here?" he sneered "Why?" he asked and stepped closer to Athelstan who stepped back.

"I'm not a man of god. I-I was just..." Athelstan stuttered until he bumped into the other man behind him.

"I think he was defacing the bar, don't you think so Rollo?" he asked and put his hands on Athelstan's shoulders.

By now Athelstan was beginning to panic but he tried to remain calm and remember what to do in this type of situation.

"I think you're right Floki. Maybe we should teach him a lesson about respecting other people's property" Rollo replied smirking and stepping closer to Athelstan.

Athelstan put his hands up as a sign of surrender "Please I don't want any trouble"

"Oh but you've gone and found it priest" Rollo spat the word priest like it was a foul word

"Please don't do this" Athelstan begged

The pair just laughed at him. Floki held onto Athelstan's shoulders and Rollo cracked his knuckles. Rollo raised his fist and punched towards Athelstan. Athelstan reacted quickly by grabbing his fist and punching the inner part of his elbow, knocking him off balance.

"Please stop I don't won't to fight you" Athelstan said

Floki who was still holding onto his shoulders spun him around and went to punch him in the face. But Athelstan quickly grabbed his wrist and deflected the punch. Athelstan stepped away from both of them. When they recovered they both charged at him.

Athelstan blocked their kicks and deflected punches. He didn't hit them he only made sure that he defended himself. When they backed off he saw this as an opportunity to run. Athelstan dashed up the street but the men followed. One of them grabbed him by the collar of his t-shirt. Athelstan turned around and knocked the hand off his shirt and blocked a kick by Floki "Will you stop" he asked.

Rollo jabbed at him and hit him in the shoulder. That was the last straw for Athelstan if they didn't want to stop they Athelstan was just going to have to make them. He blocked the next punch by Rollo and then jabbed him in the face three times, knocking him to the floor.

Floki tried to kick him again, so Athelstan grabbed his boot and lifted it above his head sending Floki flat on his ass. Rollo got up and jabbed at Athelstan's chest, but Athelstan ducked and did a leg sweep. Knocking Rollo down again.

Floki got up and punched at Athelstan with his left fist, but Athelstan caught it and held on to it. Floki tried to hit him with his right fist but Athelstan caught that and then head butted him. Floki fell again and rubbed his bloody nose.

Rollo charged at Athelstan again. Athelstan quickly grabbed his wrist and elbowed him in the face, punched him in the chest, stomach and then pulled him forward to elbow him in the back of the neck. Rollo landed on the floor and didn't move. Athelstan had managed to knock him out cold.

Floki tried to punch Athelstan one more time but again Athelstan stopped him and kicked him in the stomach. While Floki was on the floor gasping for air, Athelstan took the chance to run away and this time he succeeded in getting away.

Athelstan ran and ran until he could feel his lungs burning he only stopped when he knew he was safe. He sat down on a public bench to gain his breath back. His hands were shaking and he was exhausted. He sat on the bench until he was calm and started to make his way back to the church.

When Athelstan told father Cuthbert what had happened he was absolutely horrified that something like that had happened "Thank the Lord you were not harmed. Athelstan please promise me you will not go back there again"

"I will never go near there again" Athelstan would make sure he would never have any reason to go back there again.

"Thank goodness. Now come I will give you a lift home" father Cuthbert offered

"Thank you"

Athelstan waved goodbye to father Cuthbert as he drove off. He went in his apartment and locked the door behind him. Today had been a very rough day, so he got into a nice hot bubble bath and drank a cup of tea. Athelstan turned on his computer and did a search on the bar Shield maiden because he knew he remembered hearing about that bar from somewhere but he couldn't remember where.

He read the search results and remembered where he had heard the name. He had read about the bar in the local paper. Last October the owner of the bar by the name of Haraldson was jailed for using his bar as a drug den. Athelstan closed the web page and went to play some games instead.

For the rest of the day he watched T.V and searched on the internet. He went to bed at 11:30, he snuggled down under his quilt and sighed as he remember those men. He prayed that he would never see those people again.

Unfortunately fate seemed to have different plans.

Meanwhile...

Back at shield maiden Ragnar was laughing his ass off. When his friend and brother had come back to the bar bloody and bruised he was immediately concerned. But when they told him what had happened he couldn't help but laugh.

"It's not funny brother" Rollo hissed as he wiped blood away from his nose.

"Yes it is. You got your arse kicked by a priest" he laughed "A holy man beat the both of you" he fell off his chair and laughed even harder.

Floki crossed his arms and pouted "If I ever see him again I'm gonna kick his teeth out"

"Sure you are Floki" Ragnar said sarcastically

"Floki has a point. That priest had better pray we never see him again or else" Rollo said

"Maybe you two should just drop it" Ragnar suggested

Floki and Rollo looked at him in disbelief "Why would we do that?" Rollo asked

"Well if what you say is true then you two got what you deserved" Ragnar said "You said he hung a poster advertising a church on the bar, yeah?" Floki and Rollo nodded "And you saw him?" again they nodded "And started an unnecessary fight, right?" that time they hesitated.

"It wasn't unnecessary. He was defacing the bar, we were just protecting it" Rollo explained

"He was probably just doing his job. Rollo, Floki I understand what you were trying to do but what you did could have ruined the bars reputation. Imagine if you had beat up the priest, what would the papers say? 'Local punks beat up man of god' the bar could be closed forever, and then what? Were all out of jobs and all are hard work will go down the toilet. You need to start thinking before you act" Ragnar explained

Floki and Rollo deflated at this. They knew Ragnar was right. They could have cost everyone everything.

Seeing his friend and brother's remorseful expressions Ragnar said "I think you've learnt your lesson. Also if you see the priest again don't start anything. Remember the bar needs a good reputation to survive"

Rollo and Floki nodded their heads and left the room. As soon as they left Ragnar burst out laughing again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. Please don't sue me I'm poor.

A few weeks later and Athelstan was making his way to pick up flyers from Shield Maiden. He knew it was dangerous but the owner was offering him double his normal wage and he gave in to temptation. He entered the pub carefully and was greeted by a very large man.

"Who are you?" the man asked.

"I'm here to gather the flyers you want posted" Athelstan replied, thankful his voice didn't tremble.

"Ah right, this way" the man lead him to a room and gave him the flyers and a map.

Athelstan thanked him and got on with his work. He posted the flyers all around town and finished at seven O'clock at night. He made his way back to Shield Maiden and walked in. He was less surprised when the same large man greeted him.

"This way" the man said.

Athelstan was led to a room with the words 'The Boss' on the door. He followed the man in and was shocked to see the two punks he had to defend himself from before. And they were just as surprised as he was.

"You!" one of them said angrily.

Athelstan braced himself for trouble only for the two punks to be stopped.

"Enough you two" a voice said. The chair at the desk turned around reviling Ragnar sitting in it.

Athelstan was surprised to see his old friend Ragnar "Ragnar? Is that you?" he asked.

"Yo Athelstan. It's been a while" Ragnar replied happily. He got up and went over to Athelstan and gave him a hug.

"It had been a while, since college I believe" Athelstan said and returned the hug.

"Wait you know him?" Rollo asked.

"Yeah. This is Athelstan we went to the same high school and college together. Also he was my self defence teacher at some point" Ragnar explained.

"But-but he's the one who beat us up" Floki said.

"Oh really. No wonder you two lost. Athelstan's a master" Ragnar laughed.

"I didn't know you owned this pub" Athelstan said.

"Yeah. After Haraldson got arrested I brought it for dirt cheap" Ragnar replied. "So how did the job go?" he asked.

"It went well, I handed them all" Athelstan replied.

"Excellent" Ragnar smiled. He put an arm around Athelstan's shoulder and said "Let share some drinks and catch up for a while"

"I'd love to" Athelstan replied.

Floki and Rollo watched in disbelief as the two disappeared around the corner. Utterly defeated the two decided to not question anything.     


End file.
